I will stop fighting with myself and give my mind, body and heart the rest and inner quiet that they are craving. I’m not going to rush myself into wellness or force my thoughts into a phoney sort of gaiety. I will accept myself as I am and feel what I feel. Thoughts and feelings won’t kill me. Resisting the ones I don’t want to experience puts me in a constant struggle with my own insides. My random thoughts and feelings are trying to tell me something. If I turn away and refuse to listen, I only hurt myself. Instead I will let the adult in me listen to those younger, fearful or anxious selves that are bubbling up inside of me just as a loving parent would allow a child who is hurt to pour out all of their feelings knowing that the simple act of pouring, it in itself, the cure.
I am willing to know myself
– Tian Dayton PhD
I had a disturbed night and was itchy as well. Stayed in bed till noon.
ACTUALLY PRETTY FULL ON DEPRESSED TODAY. I could not shake it. Then the Girls came and got me and things were a lot better. Its pretty wretched. I wake and there is nothing in a day that I want and/or am able to do. The misery of it had me bigtime today.
I went to the new Doc and that was OK. We spoke of my liver and just how damaged it is. I am going for acupuncture next week. He recorded me as aboriginal. Sometimes the level of illness makes me unhappy.
We went to Girl Guides as well. I enjoyed that. Now – I am home alone again. Its a tough call being at home so often, Alone. I have had several very good days this week and need to remember them when the bleak days come.
I am afraid to use my Pony. It would make such a difference if I gained confidence in it.Ah well. The night is here and I have made it once more. That’s enough. That is enough.
Maybe I am not so crazy about the Hep C meds after all.
During crisis, we must not act as isolated persons with nothing gained from fellowship. We stick together. If one of us pulls away, we pull them back. WE recover as WE, not as an I.
As I walk this road of recovery, let me know I don’t walk alone. In fact I march in an army of WE.