Wet weather and confusion. I did take a pony ride in the rain and that felt so excellent. The guavas are in fruit and the leaves changing on Autumn trees. The Island remains inaccessible but I sense the edges of its ancient beauty. That was my day. Still dull. Still not where I want to be nor in the kind of building or setting I want to be in – but I am OK. Still lacking the People I would like to have in my life and still unable to see the sunrise or the moonrise. So be it. I remain healthier than I have been for over 2 1/2 years and that is wonderful.
I even, finally, have a willingness to be healthier physically without feeling overwhelmed and afraid of what that might require of me. I am not quite out of that frame of mind but its much better.
My mind does try to break loose into more than I could possibly handle in one day but I am doing OK at reining it back in and saying – THAT IS ENOUGH. THAT IS ENOUGH IN ONE DAY.
March 17, 2017
” MYSTERIOUS WAYS
. . . out of every season of grief or suffering, when the hand of God seemed heavy or even unjust, new lessons for living were learned, new resources of courage were uncovered, and that finally, inescapably, the conviction came that God does “move in a mysterious way His wonders to perform.”
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105
After losing my career, family and health, I remained unconvinced that my way of life needed a second look. My drinking and other drug use were killing me, but I had never met a recovering person or an A.A. member. I thought I was destined to die alone and that I deserved it.
At the peak of my despair, my infant son became critically ill with a rare disease. Doctors’ efforts to help him proved useless. I redoubled my efforts to block my feelings, but now the alcohol had stopped working. I was left staring into God’s eyes, begging for help.
My introduction to A.A. came within days, through an odd series of coincidences, and I have remained sober ever since. My son lived and his disease is in remission. The entire episode convinced me of my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life. Today my son and I thank God for His intervention. “
From the book Daily Reflections