THIS MORNING I had a pre op visit to Coffs Hospital and it was quite emotional. The nurse and the anaesthetist were kind, thoughtful, respectful and generous of spirit and I found myself weeping.

Endoscopy is next Friday week and then  I am meant to travel.

We got back and saw Saf’s cross country run.

Then things went a little tense with me and Kaybee and stayed that way. Makes me unhappy.

In fact, nearing dark, with my LL in her drug induced depression upstairs I thought I could not go on.

For once – and a very rare thing it is for me – I rang KayPee and asked whether they could spare me a half hour and I rode the Pony down and had a cuppa and talked right into the night about how unhappy I am here. The surroundings of active addictions. The isolation. EVERYTHING. May even have cried a little more.

And then I rode the Pony home in the dark and it was wonderful.

I saw stars

and Darkness

and Spider


I dream again of better times.

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