Things change. The upward progression is quite a challenge. Where I sit now is facing some very hard work. Some tough decisions. Some deep thinking with the emotions under control.
After the years of whirlwind and turmoil, its not easy re-finding these places with myself.
I THINK I have reached a stage of wellness which I was not expecting to reach and it leaves me sitting here uncertain of what I want next, what I am able to do next. What I am meant to do next.
I had a chat with Arkue and she spoke of the Wantings and I recalled my Ignatian studies on DESIRE – from the Father. From the Stars. Today I saw another flat for rent and it looks pretty nice to me. Just up the way here but dearer than I had hoped. I shall consider it tomorrow. Flats are cheaper down Eden Way.
I parked in the side passage. Its a narrow exit but I can do it.
I have a life that needs to be developed and I need to accept the partnerless state and that my Kids and Grandkids aren’t going to fill as many hours. I shall take my time but I will be open to new things and new people. New places and new ways of living.
And I shall develop my awareness of my true desires at this stage of my life.
Let’s keep going with the images.
Of sunrises and desks at windows, And a tinkling laughter. Of great beauty and grace.
The promises are from pages 83-84 of the Big Book and cover the promises of what will happen when we diligently work the steps of the 12 step program.
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through . . .
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity.
We will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
AND FROM “SIMPLY SEPSIS ” ON FACEBOOK. This beautiful piece of writing.
I can’t get over how much all of our journeys are so similar. From the physical aspects, to the mental ones. We all fought so hard to survive and are left with on going health issues. Most of us have heart, lung, kidney and scar issues. Our experiences of our times while we were sleeping, then the craziness that ensued upon waking ( I have to admit I’m most pleased I’m not the only one that flipped the bird at the nurses! We’ve walked long hard roads and we all know that the road isn’t getting any easier yet we get up, we remember where we were and we keep on keeping on! We are warriors, we are survivors, we are strong brave and bloody resilient. Our bodies hurt, ache and most of the time do not honour our epic battle they way we wish they would. Our minds hurt us with flash backs, anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD. Feelings of “why did I live” to only continue with the suffering. Pain is our daily ball and chain that tries so fucking hard to defeat us!
Yet we keep going, we keep loving, we continue to support, we keep smiling and ensuring our loved ones that “we’re ok”. Because that’s what the strong and the brave do. We are more than the crumpled mess our bodies have been left in, more than the horrible mean tricks our brains play on us. We’re incredible, we beat massive odds that were stacked so high against us. Together we can share the journey and know we aren’t alone, even though we are separated by distance we are all connected in a way that others can’t understand.
WE ARE WARRIORS!!!!!!!