Slept all day bar one brief drive. Fucked. Beaten. Broken.
Toys in the Attic and some of them cannot be mended.
I am reasonably accustomed to miraculous things happening at this point. Bilambil Cottage and Tumbulgum and Rhonda Smith’s A Frame and izzy and many more. MANY MORE. I could do with the next one. Gee all through my recovery the fine and the good had come way way – right back to Silver lining and Dept of Housing. And the Beachshack. I tried to do the right thing in coming here and it seems to have gone sadly awry.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
Its actually quite ghastly not to be wanted anymore and to embarrass and irritate people. I am just a packet of shredded cocoanut. Personality wise.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
Walk in Dry Places
Emotional sobriety may be elusive
It is easy to know when one is maintaining sobriety as far as alcohol is concerned. Emotional sobriety is more difficult to measure, because is it usually gauged by our behavior and feelings in response to people and situations.
If we lack emotional sobriety, we are likely to end up in “dry drunks”. This means we lose emotional control under pressure or when threatened. We may think we have this control, yet find ourselves falling apart when seemingly small problems come up.
Maybe we have to accept that we will never have all the emotional control that we admire in others. This emotional sensitivity may even be part of our alcoholism. Most important, we must ensure that emotional binges do not become binges involving real booze.
Nor should we judge ourselves too harshly when we undergo another emotional binge, or “dry drunk.” Such judgmental attitudes, even toward ourselves, may be a form of false pride.
Today I’ll seek all the serenity I can find. If I lose my cool temporarily, I’ll accept it as part of my general problem and get back to orderly thinking as quickly as possible.