Today I went shopping in Toormina. That’s up the road a bit. I went with My Girls. We had sushi for lunch and I got new pyjama pants. Then we did Aldi.

Medically – Dr B from Coffs called me. The pressure is still on to take the Hep C medicine and I am surely inclining towards doing so. JayTee had taken it and thought she was better for it.

Lordie me, I do not know.

I am a little touched and feel relieved that he called me. I was not impressed with his visit the first time  and his lack of knowledge about the Hep C and I challenged and fought and now it looks like I am , as Johnny Carr once said ” VALIDATED.” I may be able to work with him on these terms. Same as Dr GeeH here in Bellingen.

People tell me to be glad that I have survived but it is not as simple as that. Most of those who tell me that haven’t actually lost so much and nor are they sitting here in the circumstances I am now in.

Sometimes I bang into walls or sink into mudpits which I didn’t know were there. Bang ! And I am on a land mine.

I take a look at a pic of Izzy and me and I am crippled by the awareness of the loss of the years and the things we were doing. Then the knife slices through and I don’t know what to do now.

I have slipped somehow into some forcing. When I do that , I become ill and depressed. It might work for certain dispositions but it does not work for me. So I back off. Go Gently and relax once more.


Maybe one day – things will come truly good again. Maybe. 



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