If I ever left here, where would I go –  to the realm of people all trouble and peril?

Po Chui-i (from “My Thatch Hut”)

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I went to the new psych today and I liked him. I can have 10 free visits in a calendar year. He has a Zen basis which suits me. I like him. He is intelligent and warm and courteous.

He gave me this little simple phrase :


On my way to him, I saw magnolias and sheep and plants and autumn leaves.

My Astra has a flat tyre and I went to town to get it pumped up.

The psych asked if he could read my writing about the Dreaming in the Coma but I can’t find what I have written. Perhaps I have not actually written it down in detail.

You see, when I came back from the Dreaming, I had lost so many parts of me that Words were scattered all through my life like a Scrabble Board tipped over. I could join a word, or two – sometimes. Sometimes they made sense and sometimes – they seemed not to.

Even when I had the Words I did not have the stamina to sit and type or write.  Each movement , each thought – I have retrieved and renewed. Now – things are better than I thought they were going to be. Now I can write and think. I found pdfs of the two books I have been involved with and someplace is the photo exhibition I was shown in in Akron.

It is 3 years tomorrow since Izzy went running and never came back. 3 years.


from Patricia in Paris

“On ne voit bien qu’avec le coeur” said the little Prince

When a person has grown old and has done his all, it is his task peacefully to make friends with death. He does not need other people. He knows them and has seen enough of them. What he needs is peace. It is not seemly to seek out such a person, to talk to him, to torment him with your chatter. At the gateway to his home the proper thing is to pass by, as if nobody lived there.
Hermann Hesse (notice on the door of his house upon award of the Nobel Prize for Literature)

There are, indeed, things that cannot be put into words. They make themselves manifest. They are what is mystical What we cannot speak about we must consign to silence.

Lugwig Wittgenstain, Tractatus logico-philosophicus


Voidness is that which stands right in the middle between this and that. The void is all-inclusive, having no opposite – there is nothing which it excludes or opposes. It is living void because all forms come out of it and whoever realizes the void is filled with life and power and the love of all human beings.

Tao of Jeet Kune Do



Hi all. Just thought I’d post a quick note. 4am here and a sleepless night. Learned today that I will lose both my legs because of the osteomyelitis caused from the Septic Shock. Right leg and last 2 toes on left foot come off on Friday and then the left leg below the knee in about 3 months from now. This will be surgery 9 and 10. It has become a quality of living issue for me. I’m not ok living the rest of my life in pain and hobbling around. This is a chance to literally take a step forward. I have baseball to play with my grandkids and more congressmen to talk to in DC with #abiomedimpella! I believe this is the next act in this crazy drama of wellness. I’m told this will hurt like hell, but I also know I’m going to walk from the capital all the way to the Lincoln memorial without any assistance nor wheelchair next time I’m out in DC. Anyway, I ramble… For those who walk with along with me on a path of faith, I value your prayers. I do not believe ANY of this is God’s will. God has given me folks like #abiomed to help me to wellness and kind ears from folks like you who were willing to read my rambling. That helps so tremendously. On to the next phase of sepsis and #heartrecovery.

The trouble with having a heap of chronic conditions is that you never know which is causing what, particularly when half the symptoms overlap. However, this has arrived since my bout with sepsis and I know the antibiotics I took can cause it but wondered if anyone else has it. I have developed what can only be described as ‘idiot brain’. 🙂 . I don’t mean brain fog. I’ve had fibro for years and know what brain fog is. This is very different.
I feel like my brain just refuses to work. There is no fogginess. If anything it’s more like ADD. I forget things. I have made the same fruit cake for over 40 years without the recipe. Now I need the recipe every time. I have no idea what my phone number is. I cannot tell you how old I am unless I work back from the my birth year. I forget what day it is, several times a day. It’s getting a bit scary, but I’ve had brain scan and MRI and nothing sinister. Anybody else like this???