I have had another day confined to quarters and basically fucked. So there are no new pics again and not much new thinking. Guess, I shall ramble back through images and memories for one more night. I have spent many years of my life in Urunga. Kind of accidentally. Down near the Lido. Now I live 15 kms inland and I don’t like it much. Then again, it would be hard to like anywhere much just at the moment in this bed ridden week with a muddle head and disturbing thoughts. It seems to me that it changed all the time down at the Coast and birds came and the tides came in and out.
I am looking at an even more secluded situation next but with neighbours which I don’t like. I was about to change my mind but some things I heard today have made me stay with this move. I would like to accept it as my next place and make it home for a while. Its a wee little place. I could make it a nest. I would like to make it pretty and simple and get my affairs in order there. I do not yet have the emotion which I need to have to do that. I have TREPIDATION.
I like birds. I like them coming down close to me. I like almost everything about them so I am hoping there will be birds there. There are also going to be children. I am less sure about that.
I have pain in my side. I am tired. I am isolated and I am right back in big shit.
I want my elegance of Living back. The dignity and a touch of class.
I suddenly find myself without direction and feeling bleak.
Breathe Lynne. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PREDICT THE FUTURE.
Trouble is , it is hard to retain trust when this place has been a bleak failure to me and not at all to my taste.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PREDICT THE FUTURE.
Don’t try to get fixed either Lynne. Just move on along. Move on along.
O for god’s sake bring me in for a landing to a good home and decent living. I am so very tired and mixed up. I seem quite unable to focus my thinking and planning. It is true shit.
I am not even vaguely going to try to rally or comfort or look for wise words tonight.